


3 Christmases Pre Particle Accelerator Explosion +1 Post

by Hiver_Frost_Elf



Series: STAR Blazers [8]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: 3+1 Things, Angst, Bar Room Brawl, CCPD Betting Pool, Childhood, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas Music, Christmas Party, Christmas Presents, Christmas Special, Crossover, Deutsch | German, Dialogue Heavy, Eggnog, Epic Nog Battles of History, Family, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Gotham City - Freeform, Hartley Cosplaying Legolas, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, In-Laws & Outlaws, Saints & Sinners, Team as Family, Ugly Holiday Sweaters, Ugly Sweaters, Western, cooler-than-a-Tomodachi, high noon showdown, who needs a Christmas playlist when you've got this fic?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:18:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9252155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiver_Frost_Elf/pseuds/Hiver_Frost_Elf
Summary: 1 Little2 Broken3 Found+1 Lost





	1. Plot

**Author's Note:**

> Newcomers, welcome! Please read chapter one of all subsequent parts before enduring this one :3 You're welcome to read Knitwit as well, but strictly speaking, you shouldn't need to.
> 
> Oldcomers, welcome back! I know we’re all sick and tired of Christmas by now, but I needed to write & post this before the finale. There’s just too much going on in it already, so I moved some of it to this fic. Plus, I’ve had this story in mind for ages. Please bear with me.

1 Little

Joe’s first Christmas with the Steins involved a high noon showdown versus his new brother set to the blood-boiling lyrics of ‘[Christmas in Killarney](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KgoUNH2f8c)’.  Joe drew faster and shot his opponent’s kneecap before Henry got his hand on his pistol.  Allen the Jay flopped onto the floor, flailing for Sheriff West to show mercy.

“You best done behave, Jay, or I’ll shoot yer heart next tahm,” Joe drawled as he moseyed on over.

“Docs cain’t fix up hearts, Sheriff!” Henry squeaked as Joe tackled the breath out of him. “You shoot me dare, I’ll die!”

“That’s my job, ain’t it?  Keep folks on their best behavior or never give ‘em another chance to behave bad again.”

Martin was reading a new novel with Clarissa snuggled up close when she nudged his upper arm.  Clarissa got out from under their quilt and paused the music.  She approached their children, “What makes cops cops?”

“Their badges and their guns and their uniforms!” Joe grinned.  Henry didn’t have an answer.

Clarissa shook her head with a patient smile on her lips.  Martin joined her side, “Anyone with enough resourcefulness can acquire all of these items, Joseph.  They could even pass Police Academy with flying colors, but that wouldn’t make them an officer.” Joe blinked up at these aliens with his head tilted in confusion.  Martin continued, “Many times, officers of all uniforms must resort to violence, but that should not be what they wake up each morning to do.”

“A cop’s ultimate goal is to save people, not to shoot people,” Clarissa enlightened their children. “Your gun, your badge, your uniform, and your authority don’t make you a cop; your heart does, and nobody can fake a heart forever.”

Henry would’ve chimed in about artificial hearts if Joe hadn’t Gibbs-slapped him, “Didn’t yer ma teacha not tuh interrupt a lady?” Joe helped Henry up. “C’mon, Jay, let’s getcha down to my brother’s.  He’s the finest physician west-a the Mississippi; he’ll fix up yer knee quicker than I busted it.” Henry cheered until Joe reminded him, “Ya still gotta go to jail, though—but since it’s Christmas and yer behavin’ mighty fine, I won’t cuff ya.”

2 Broken

Young Caitlin gazed at her gifts: a twin for Leah van Gogh, new books on bioengineering… none of them were the gift she wanted.  When Nora asked what that was, Caitlin bolted upstairs after she wailed, “I wanted a hug from Brüderchen!!!”

All [cheer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo) died instantly.  Cisco and Iris leaned into each other and cried, too.  They’d rather spend all of their [years without Santa Claus](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCk8ULH9N2c) if that would give them Barry back.

Nora knocked on the door to Barry’s bedroom.  Caitlin slowly rose from against the door and let her in.  She’d kept the lights off to gaze at his glow-in-the-dark stars: spectral green and pastel yellow, years old yet still glowing as vigorously as the day they’d been installed.

“I told him to stop,” Caitlin huddled in a corner. “Last Christmas, he was hugging me like crazy, and I told him to stop because I liked hugs, but only short hugs.  We were having such a hard time figuring out what to get him this year because all he’d say when we asked is ‘hugs’.” Blinded, by tears, she looked up at her mother who’d sat down beside her, “What if we get him back and he’s as horrible as whoever took him???”

“Then we’ll love him unconditionally like we promised, but that’s not going to happen to him, Schneeflocke,” Nora squeezed Caitlin’s hand four times; Caitlin hiccupped as she returned the gesture. “You and Cisco call him ‘Brüderchen’, but I call him ‘Sternchen’ because he is a star, and stars shine no matter how dark and cold and lonely the night is.”

“But I want him to be the sun: the star closest to us,” Caitlin sobbed.  She brushed off Nora trying to hug her because hugs reminded her too much of Barry.

“We all do,” Nora kept hold of Caitlin’s hand. “The sun leaves when it’s nighttime—however, it always [returns](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJlx0z5FuCo) no less bright than when it left.”

Caitlin hummed her verse of ‘[Brüderchen, Komm Tanz mit Mir](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fz-zQBvTbiU)’ before she rejoined everybody downstairs.  It wasn’t a happy holiday for der [Mann](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t71X4TfudpE) in [Gelb’s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jzsKJvWiEI) captives either.

3 Found

It was Solnishko’s first Christmas ever!  Or at least, the first Christmas he remembered.  Der Mann in Gelb didn’t keep calendars in the cabin.  The fireplace crackled contentedly, a burly [tree](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gp3w2Tl5e2I) shuffled everything in the living room so it could dominate a corner, and [snowfolks and snowraccoons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDNcJL90Y9A) frolicked all over the lawn.

Mark and Clyde invaded safehouse #8 belting, “[Welcome Christmas, fahoo ramus / Welcome Christmas, dahoo damus / Christmas day will always be / Just so long as we have we](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbkY23wSL9c)."

Len countered with ‘[The Twelve Pains of Christmas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMxgttJpbZE)’, which naturally led to Mick playing ‘[Redneck Twelve Days of Christmas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJOe3CXE-mA)’ and Shawna requesting ‘[The Twelve Gifts of Christmas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPZ09DseJ8k)’.

Solnishko gave everybody hand drawn portraits of themselves and received plushies of Nani, David, Pleakley, Jumba, and Cobra Bubbles.  Solnishko zipped in and out of his room to grab his Lilo and Stitch plushies, “They’re ‘ohana’s all together now—just like ours!”

Len’s lips tightened and flattened.  Mick subtly-for-him glared at his husband, “Yes… yes, it is, Cub.”

[Len and Mick](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SGlPnA_iCk) ducked out while the rest of the crew [watched](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AWkFpSa9xM) [various](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9a8npoc5hwo) [Christmas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1LUXQWzCno) [specials](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kRt1gbUXJg)—Solnishko adored _[Rudolf](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IASm1EimOvk) [the](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwlOUAAyPQE) [Red](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQvbJ-spKuU)-[Nosed](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SH1j1luFOw) [Reindeer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVMCUtsmWmQ)_.  Len once again tried to make his husband see reason, “Mick, he’s not just some random kid—he’s Joe’s nephew!”

Mick folded his arms and huffed, “My baby brother looks nothing like [Ramon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whY9MKlvisI).”

“Yeah, well the kid in this drawing does!” Len pointed to the Boy Who Laughs in Solnishko’s Everything Else Notebook before pointing to the Girl Who Sings. “And this kid looks a lot like [Snow](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awZBFQjqC9U)!”

Len and Mick became locked in a staring contest.  Solnishko noticed their prolonged absence, got up from between the Mardons, and pulled Lisa into the workshop, “Are Lenny and Mick fighting cuz [they spent a lot of money](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsiKOJOXMJU) today?”

“Never worry about [money](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CirrRY_6aaU), Zvezdochko,” Lisa waved him off. “We’re not Wayne wealthy, but we’re well off enough that we’d be fine even if Lenny sat on his ass all day.”

“Then why are they fighting???”

“They’re just arguing about a heist,” the most important heist of all time. “It’s supposed to go down in January, but Mick’s not so sure it’ll work out.  It’s extremely risky and has a kajillion variables, but if it pays off, our score’ll be priceless.”

That sounded… completely out of character for both of their brothers.  Solnishko knitted his eyebrows together, “What are they stealing?”

“A bunny, an owl, and a hyena!”

“....So, like, figurines?”

Lisa nodded with a smile and led him back upstairs.  Len and Mick were sitting on opposite ends of couch.  Mick pulled Solnishko in beside him.  Mick stubbornly growled when Len lectured Mick with his eyes.  They were sitting together again and the Mardons reclaimed Solnishko by the end of _[Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jQy_ppY2bI)_.

The next morning, Solnishko flapped his hands with an eager grin while Mick blinked at the newest addition to his Everything Else Notebook: the Girl Who Talks, “She sounds just as jumbled as the Girl Who Sings and the Boy Who Laughs do, but she’s smiling, too; so that must be good, right?”

“Yes…” Mick ground through the fakest smile in history while Len silently glared _I told you so_ behind his _Frozen_ mug, “yes it is, Cub.”

‘Ohana

Saints & Sinners may have been closed on [Christmas Eve](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzcUQuImIBY), yet music was still swinging and alcohol was still flowing.  Tina, Mick, and Linda were judging Joe and Shawna’s [Epic Nog Battle of History: Grandma Esther versus Grammy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cP6VqB4klpQ)! Begin!

Linda fell out of her seat after round two, Mick was counting his fingers to ensure they were indeed still on his feet, and Tina was ready for a tiebreaker.  Joe and Shawna agreed that their grandmothers were both alcoholics after one sip.

Charlie, Wally, and Jesse wished they were drunk as soon as Ronnie queued up a quirky ditty, “{I told every last one of you losers Weird Al Yankovic wrote ‘[Christmas at Ground Zero](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t039p6xqutU)’ and none of you believed me about this either! Ha!!!}” His friends groaned when he belted, “{You might hear some reindeer on your rooftop / or Jack Frost on your windowsill / but if someone’s climbing down your chimney / you better load your gun and shoot to kill!}”

Eddie wreathed his arms around his brother and Iris and they swayed side to side, “It’s Christmas at Ground Zero / and if the radiation level’s okay / I’ll go out with you and see all the new mutations on New Year’s Day!”

Jesse spotted Raven lurking in a corner and decided to beat a hasty retreat.  Raven looked up from her depressed huddle.  Christmastime was… difficult.  Discovering Cisco could crack the barrier between dimensions was the best birthday present Raven had ever received.  She and Arella—her white-cloaked mother whose hair and eyes matched Raven’s purple-blue—could converse for up to two hours and six minutes every day.  This was two hours and six minutes longer than what they had pre particle accelerator explosion.  Their limit had increased since they’d begun!  Cisco, ever the optimist, hoped he’d be able to open the door between Azarath and STAR Earth by Arella’s birthday, yet she warned him, “Please pace yourself, Mr. Ramon, for your sake and for the sake of everyone who cares about you.  Straining your powers is no way to strengthen them.” Her eyes twinkled towards Raven, who grinned with embarrassment, “My daughter can tell you from experience.”

Raven believed that she should be thankful that Arella was alive and loved her.  Most of her friends’ parents were either nonexistent or would’ve been better off nonexistent—Starfire’s parents sold her into slavery for crying out loud!  Yet Raven couldn’t help drowning in the sorrowful envy of once again being surrounded by friends yet feeling all alone.

“Hey,” Jesse greeted.  She gave Raven a handcrafted duo: a white bunny and a black bunny. “I made these for you because when I miss my mom, I have Tessla.  You don’t have anybody when you miss yours, so here, have Ashlee and Rachel.”

Raven clutched the plushies close to her heart and sniffled her thanks.  Cisco carted Vibe over to her and asked if she wanted to speak to her mother in the office upstairs. Vibe was a generator-looking device that replicated his powers within a 10% margin for error, and so far, it looked like that margin leaned toward 110% of Cisco’s capacity.  He helped her up, and Raven invited Jesse to join them.  Jesse gladly did and zipped them and Vibe into the elevator and clicked the up arrow.

Raven said a tearful goodbye when their time together ended and flitted downstairs.  Cisco left Vibe upstairs and used this exhausting activity as an excuse to eat even more candy.  Raven’s spirits lifted when she heard a new song playing.

_[It is the season of the heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlRpGj7LWS4) _

_[A special time of caring](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlRpGj7LWS4) _

_[The ways of love made clear](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlRpGj7LWS4) _

_[It is the season of the spirit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlRpGj7LWS4) _

_[The message if we hear it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlRpGj7LWS4) _

_[Is 'Make it last all year'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlRpGj7LWS4) _

_[It's in the giving of a gift to another](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlRpGj7LWS4) _

_[A pair of mittens that were made by your mother](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlRpGj7LWS4) _

_[It's all the ways that we show love that feel like Christmas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlRpGj7LWS4) _

Everybody paused their activities and cocked their powers or weaponry when vorpal energy filled the door.  They disarmed and relaxed when a version of Mick dressed as Santa Claus and a version of Len and Solnishko dressed as elves emerged from it.  More of their crew crashed the party also dressed as elves, including a version of Hartley, who absolutely demanded to be different and came dressed as Legolas.

Everybody else welcomed them, yet Solnishko took one look at Santa Mick and screamed, “Mick! Save me!! Evil Mick has invaded!!!”

“Wait, come back!” Santa Mick chased after him with homemade gifts falling out of his bag. “We have glittens!”

Len looked at Elf Len and smirked, “Any other traumatic relationships we should know about?”

Elf Len rolled his eyes and grumbled, “Lisa’s dating Ramon.”

“So’s mine.  Didn’t we raise our sisters to have better taste?”

“I thought we did!”

“DADDADDADDADDAD!”

“Grownups are talking here, wait your turn,” Len turned to Mark and Clyde, who dragged Elf Mark over.

“We’re quadruplets now,” Clyde decreed as he and Mark clung to Elf Mark. “Mark’s staying with us forever.”

Elf Mark dared to ask, “Don’t I get a say in this?”

“No!!!” Clyde barked. “You’ve gone insane from grief, loneliness, and depression; we can’t trust your judgement!”

“You can’t abduct Elf Mark, you lunatics,” said Len. “There is a strict, two-Mardon limit per Earth.  We’re generating black holes in some poor bastard’s backyard as we speak.”

“But that’s just it, Lenny,” Clyde pleaded while he and Mark double-pouted. “Elf Mark’s Earth is Elf Clydeless!  He doesn’t even have a little buddy cuz Imposter Dad and Imposter Papa stole ‘im!”

Elf Len chuckled at his moniker while Elf Mark sighed at the twins, “C’mon, guys, that hasn’t been cute since we were seven.” The twins turned their pouting on Mark. “Okay, maybe it has and me and my Clyde just never thought to try it again.” Mark wrangled them into a hug, “Listen… yes, my Clyde is dead to the world, but he’s alive in my heart—and I do have a little buddy; his name’s Wally.”

“Yo,” both Wallys raised their hot chocolates upon hearing their name.

“You can’t keep Elf Mark cuz then we’d be Markless, and then where would we be?” Elf Len didn’t flinch when Mark and Clyde prepared to fight for Elf Mark.

“You can, however,” Len corralled them with a stern look, “build him a Marco, a Claudio, and a quilt.”

Elf Mark barely got out, “You guys can quilt? Sweet!” before the twins dragged him off to Build-a-Bear Workshop.

Cyborg examined the portal generator Elf Cisco had brought over and wondered out loud, “If this thing brought y’all here, could it bring Arella here?”

“And Bruce and Nathan!” Starfire jump-floated at the chance to invite the multiverse’s cutest [bungorf and his knorfka](http://www.geocities.ws/phoenixflamz0787/starvocab/index.html) to the party.  Miss Kitka fled to Batman's shoulders when Selina and Beast Boy gasped and hopped with excitement.  Raven floated wide-eyed with anticipation.

Elf Cisco didn’t see why not, “We just gotta scan someone or something who’s native to Azarath and TESS Earth and we’re good to go!”

Raven got first priority and whispered a prayer in her native tongue that this would work.  She saw Azarath beyond the portal and would’ve entered it if Arella hadn’t beaten her here.  Raven rushed into Arella’s arms, “Metreon!”

Everybody clapped and cheered at their reunion while Elf Cisco queued up TESS Earth Gotham City.  Jason shouted, “Teen Titans except Raven, go!” and led his posse through the portal by the time Raven recovered enough to speak again.

Raven handed Rachel to Arella, “In case we’re ever separated again, you’ll have her....  Happy birthday, Metreon.”

Arella accepted Rachel and hugged her daughter again.  Raven introduced her to Axel.  Arella saw his soul and said, “You’re younger than you appear, little one.  Would you like me to fix that?”

“Ouais! Ouais! Ouais!” Axel hopped up and down.  Arella enveloped him in violet-white light, and ta-da, his body matched his age once more.  He hugged her, “I’m a little dolphin again! Yipee!!  Merci, Madame Roth!!!”

A bowtied four-year-old emerged from TESS Earth Gotham, “Servus! Vie geht’s?”

“Barry???” Nora blinked at this carbon copy of pre-abduction Solnishko.

The boy quirked up at her with confusion, “Ich heiße nicht Barry, ich heiße Flash!”

“Your name is Flash?” Barry leaned down towards him. “My name’s Flash, too!”

“Nein, my name’s Flash!” the boy hissed.

“Nope, my name’s Flash,” Barry folded his arms and grinned.

“Nein! My’s name’s Flash!!!” the boy kicked him before scampering off.

“Ow!!!” Barry doubled over and cradled his tortured shin. “Flash hurts!”

“Want me to kiss it better, doll?” Santa Mick asked.  He looked up and saw Solnishko, who screamed and fled once more. “Of fucking course.”

“So you’re Evil Mick,” Mick decked Santa Mick, who swung back.  Penguin's penguins handed out popcorn and peanuts.  Rob and Singh took bets as vengeance against the CCPD betting pool—which had started up again, only this time, folks were betting on their wedding day.  Both Micks flipped off their Lens mid-strangle when the Lens suggested they make this entertaining by removing everything above their waists.

Flash introduced Axel to Martha Thomas: a bat plushie who wore a blouse with splotches of black, silver, and gray against an off-white background, “Batmanchen made her!”

Axel introduced Flash to Tricky: a dolphin with a military jacket, “Solnishko made her!”

Bruce didn’t know how his son managed to sneak off with him, his counterpart, and most of the Teen Titans there; but once they realized he was on STAR Earth, he rushed through the portal and panicked, “Nathan! Where are you!?”

“Ich. Heiße. Nicht. Nathan,” Flash simmered with exasperation. “Ich heiße Flash!”

“Flash,” Bruce exhaled relief as he scooped up his ankle-kicker, “you can’t just go running off without us, Sternchen.” Flash coyly wiggled his nose against his father’s until Bruce’s jaw half-opened upon spotting, “Nora???” He set his son down after a pause.  Flash toddled off with Axel to swipe candy from the Ciscos.  Nora and Elf Henry listened to Bruce’s story, “My son’s full name is Nathan Thaddeus Neubert.  He doesn’t recognize you because you’re older than his mother… and she died a year ago when the particle accelerator exploded; she was in Central congratulating our friends on their greatest achievement.” Bruce bit his lip and tears welled in his fury-chilled blue eyes, “My best friend fell in love with a medical student who had to choose between becoming a doctor and becoming a partner.” Elf Henry blanched.  Bruce continued after a gulp, “I would never deny that his job is important, but I quit my jobs—guardian of Gotham and CEO of Wayne Enterprises—because even if I did both for a millennium, neither of them would hold a candle to the importance of my job as a parent.”

“....Nora,” Elf Henry clasped her hand, “if your Henry doesn’t love you and all of your children unconditionally, I hope you leave him; because even if you are merely a shadow of my beloved, you can find a better man than him.”

“And you all deserve a better man!” Bruce added.

“I don’t know how much Solnishko’s told you about his visit to my Earth, but he thinks your Henry would prefer my son over him.” Nora flashbacked to Mother’s Day.  Solnishko’s words still haunted her on occasion.  She was pretty sure Solnishko knew Nora would adopt him, but fear didn’t care if a nightmare was irrational. “If your Henry ever even implies such an awful notion, send him to me—I’m sure our Ciscos are working on duplicating the portal generator as we speak.”

“Ramons, you are going to be able to get everyone who wants to go home back home, right?” Elf Len asked the engineers.

“Uhhhhhhhhh…” Elf Cisco trailed off while his counterpart was copying specs and tinkering. “There’s at least a 50% chance the answer is yes.”

“That means there’s almost a 50% chance the answer is no,” Len huffed.

“Step aside, boys,” Hartley and Tolkien Hartley spoke in sync and gave them their two-second notice, “and let real geniuses perform the magic of science.”

“Technically, we’re older than you,” Cisco said.

“True in a chronological sense, but we act older than you,” retorted the Hartleys.  The Ciscos flapped their tongues in response.

“HARRISON NIKOLA WELLS!!!” a voice boomed from TESS Earth Gotham.  Harry shrieked and failed to flee before he was paralyzed by what could only be described as a When All Hell Breaks Loose Bazooka.  Its wielder wore stiff hair, pale eyes, and an ugly sweater featuring a blinking periodic table arranged like a Chistmas tree.  He marched across Saints & Sinners, hauled Harry up as effortlessly as one would a child, and snarled, “How dare you drag my niece off to a planet where guns are lethal and dump your job on me!?” He Gibbs-slapped him, “Happy bloody Christmas, you barmy slag!”

“Uncle Randolf!”

“Jesse!” Randolf hugged her, intentionally letting Harry crash onto the floor. “Ugh! I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too.  Sorry we ditched you.”

Randolf scoffed, “Eh, whatever. Where the hell’s my nephew???  All I know about him comes from Bruce who only knows him through Batman, soooooooo....”

Solnishko tentatively approached them, “You’re not actually gonna kill Dad, are you?”

Harry spat out, “Yes he will!”

“NOBODY GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK!!!” Randolf got a squeak out of Harry without laying an appendage on him.  He whipped back to Solnishko and pulled him in, “I don’t hate him, per se, I hate that he married my sister when there was a perfectly amazing, not-my-sister Nora Neubert available to him.” He grabbed wrapped-and-ribboned crap out of his backpack, “I come bearing gifts!” Harrison wheeled over and met the brother his wife didn’t have.  Randolf plunked a family scrapbook into Harrison’s lap, “Technically, this is a gift for Harry, but I don’t trust him with jack shit, so you hold onto it.”

“Erm, thank you,” Harrison chuckled nervously up at him, then down to his twitching counterpart.

“Ooh! The next installment of _Queen of the Crowns_!” Jesse speed-read it and sighed her relief when the author—her uncle—managed the miracle of not killing any likeable characters.  Solnishko tilted his head at a pebble-shaped device on a keychain.  Jesse explained, “You know my cooler-than-a-Tomodachi? Watch this!” Jesse borrowed Solnishko’s present and took out her pebble-on-a-keychain.  She tapped some buttons and projected a white tiger cub with neon green eyes and a thunder-themed raccoon.  The tiger snapped at attention and swished its tail when she spoke, “Gandalf, meet your cousin…” she looked to Solnishko for a name.

“#FAR III,” most folks at least chuckled at the name he selected.  They awwwwwwed when Gandalf licked its cousin.  Flash took out his cooler-than-a-Tomodachi so a grizzly bear cub named Bärchen could join in on the holographic fun.

“I didn’t know what to get the rest of you, so I just bought a store’s worth of cooler-than-a-Tomodachis,” Randolf dumped the rest of his backpack onto the floor.  He kicked Harry’s face, “I’m not drunk enough to tolerate him yet, where’s the eggnog???”

Tina held up her mug, “To in-laws and outlaws!”

“To outlaws and in-laws!” Randalf clinked his mug against hers at the judges table and swigged his first round: Elf Shawna's Grammy's sassy brew.  He massaged his temple, “Iiiiii Duncanuff tuh deeealithimow....”

WHO WON!?  WHO’S NEXT!?!  EPIC NOG BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!

Barry scooped up a sheep, Axel grabbed a dolphin, Starfire claimed a grub, Alfred collected a moth, Penguin acquired a penguin, and all three Mardons dove in for foxes once they returned.  A zoo infested Saints & Sinners as more and more souls braved the chaos to adopt a critter.  Oliver tsked at Felicity for succumbing to such a puerile toy until she sassily held up his owlet.

The Ciscos, the Hartleys, Tina, and Cyborg did indeed get everybody back to their dimensions.  However, Arella chose to stay in this one with her daughter because these people—whether they’d known each other all their lives or not until today—demonstrated the meaning of “Zinthos” better than anybody back on Azarath did: companions.

+1 [Lost](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58TBZnvyGwQ)

A Lightningless speedster stood before the Blitz Memorial: a neighbor of the Thomas and Martha Wayne Crypt guarded by raccoon statues raising their forepaws like lucky cats.  Hunger gnawed at him due to how many calories he’d expended both on his journey and phasing inside.  He felt no drive to refuel himself as he looked down on the cushioned coffin.  #FAR III activated upon detecting an intruder, yet brushed against this friend’s thighs before standing against them.  This speedster stroked #FAR III as he shakily spoke to a long-decayed skeleton, “Merry Christmas, Blitz, I have good news!  I can run from Central to Gotham now....  My time machine still malfunctions more than functions, but I’m working on it.” He stayed and played with #FAR III for hours.  The digital critter insisted on leaving with the speedster this time.  The speedster sniffled as he pulled the lid over the quilted corpse, “Until we meet at last, Blitz.”

The End???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for taking time to read this :3 I hope you enjoy what you do here and everywhere! See ya!


	2. Commentary

All of the centered headings are _Lilo & Stitch_-inspired!  Little = Lilo & Nani’s family before they all died, Broken = Lilo & Nani’s family after they died & pre-Stitch, ‘Ohana = duh, Lost = what Lilo’s name means, and Found = a lost & found pun.  ‘Ohana doesn’t count for +1 because it’s a Christmas EVE post PAE, which I realize is a stupid loophole to abuse, but I stand by my abuse!

1 Little

Behold, the origins of Joe’s “you need a heart, not a scorecard” speech nobody asked for :D

I wanted this fifth of the fic to feature a solid Martin & Clarissa being good parents moment.  They’re grandparents in the rest of STAR Blazers, and there just aren’t a lot of opportunities for them to be straight up parents... or doing much of anything, really.

Sorry this section became PSA-ish.  I think it’s cute overall though, so I think it works.

 

2 Broken

Since I can’t write a commentary for this section beyond crying and “Go, Nora!”, I parodied a song instead. Enjoy!

[Christmas snow is falling](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Carols fill the air](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[But it won't be Christmas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

['Til Brüderchen is here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Allen kids are calling](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Sternchen, Sternchen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Every heart recalling](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Sternchen, Sternchen ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Come on, ol' Mick Rory](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Up the mountain way](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Allen kids are calling](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Sternchen: he needs you today ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[If you don't believe in](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Sternchen, Sternchen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Think he's just naïve then](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Sternchen, Sternchen ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Think about a skyscape](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[With no glow above](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Allen kids are calling](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Sternchen and his endless love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[We love his laughter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[His hugs which make us sing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Forever after](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[The bells will ring](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Allen kids are calling](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Sternchen, Sternchen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Every heart recalling](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Sternchen, Sternchen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Come on, ol' Mick Rory](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Up the mountain way](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Allen kids are calling](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

[Sternchen: he needs you today](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkUXb9t7TIo)

3 Found

So timeline-wise, this takes place between JWYM & BaBW.  Solnishko’s first line depresses me.  I did my best to word Lisa’s chat with Solnishko so that she wasn’t 100% lying to him.  It’s true from a metaphorical point of view ;)

 

 _Len and Mick were sitting on opposite ends of couch.  Mick pulled Solnishko in beside him.  Mick stubbornly growled when Len lectured Mick with his eyes.  They were sitting together again and the Mardons reclaimed Solnishko by the end of_ _[ _Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jQy_ppY2bI) _ _._

No family gets along 100% of the time; that’s just a fact of life.  I like how even though Mick & Len are arguing, they don’t come to blows cuz ‘ohana means nobody hurts each other no matter we are.

 

_The next morning, Solnishko flapped his hands with an eager grin while Mick blinked at the newest addition to his Everything Else Notebook: the Girl Who Talks, “She sounds just as jumbled as the Girl Who Sings and the Boy Who Laughs do, but she’s smiling, too; so that must be good, right?”_

_“Yes…” Mick ground through the fakest smile in history while Len silently glared_ _I told you so_ _behind his_ _Frozen_ _mug, “yes it is, Cub.”_

This is a callback to this

_It wasn’t until the Girl Who Talks finally appeared on the pages of Solnishko’s Everything Else Notebook that Mick accepted Len was right...._

In BaBW.

Merry late Christmas, Mick, your Cub’s someone else’s cub.  This is depressing.  1 was fluffy, 2 was depressing, 3 is fluffy & depressing! Hooray!

‘Ohana

Any chance to reference Grammy shall be taken, hence Joe & Shawna’s Epic Nog Battle.  I like ERB.  Trump vs Scrooge is superb; go watch it if you haven’t.  It basically raps a recap of _A Christmas Carol_.  I love “what good is your purse if you’re poor in your heart?”, the Ghost of What’s Right Now’s verse, “I do not believe in ghosts and I don’t believe that hair!”, and the Ghost of Christmas Future’s “Boo! You’re gonna die!”

I’m also an avid Weird Al fan, which is why Christmas at Ground Zero’s in here. So sue me.  It’s my Christmas special; if I wanna link to all of my favorite Christmas songs, that’s what I’m gonna do, dammit!  Plus, this provides a solid Eddie & Ronnie & Iris moment.  Everyone is silly at heart.  Nobody is above it all.

 

_Raven looked up from her depressed huddle.  Christmastime was… difficult._

Raven feels!

 

_Raven clutched the plushies close to her heart and sniffled her thanks._

Aw, Jesse :)

 

_Cisco left Vibe upstairs and used this exhausting activity as an excuse to eat even more candy._

Lol

 

I also love _Muppets Christmas Carol_ , plus “a pair of mittens that were made by your mother” is a great intro to the Knitwit crew, aka Yarn Earth.  I figured it’d be okay to call them Santa Mick & Elf (insert name here) since nobody’s had enough time to figure out a distinction between STAR and Yarn yet.  AND THEN the TESS Earth crew comes, and it’s just even MORE chaos.

 

Glittens are gloves with a sheath for your fingers when you don’t need adroitness so they can also function as mittens.  Barry says in Knitwit’s summary that he “can't do gloves or mittens yet”, so it’s nice to see him being able to do both now <3

 

STAR Len, Yarn Len, and the Mardons’ conversation (and the Wallys cameo). Yes. Just yes.

 

_Elf Cisco didn’t see why not, “We just gotta scan someone or something who’s native to Azarath and TESS Earth and we’re good to go!”_

So the billion-dollar question is: how did the Yarn crew get here?

Answer: by scanning Bareep and Barryursa, Barry’s plushies given to him by Solnishko. Huzzah!  Initially, I was just gonna handwave it, but then I thought of this and cheered because I demonstrated intelligence.

 

_Teen Titans except Raven, go!_

Lol

 

_Raven got first priority and whispered a prayer in her native tongue that this would work.  She saw Azarath beyond the portal and would’ve entered it if Arella hadn’t beaten her here.  Raven rushed into Arella’s arms, “Metreon!”_

_Everybody clapped and cheered at their reunion_

Awwwwwwwwwwww

 

_A bowtied four-year-old emerged from TESS Earth Gotham, “Servus! Vie geht’s?”_

Knitwit fans will recognize this as Solnishko’s greeting to Oliver in Chapter 3: Solnishko ruins a sweater.

 

_“Barry???” Nora blinked at this carbon copy of pre-abduction Solnishko._

I am sure Nora’s seen Starfire’s TESS Earth album and objectively knows this is Nathan; however, looking at pictures isn’t the same as being confronted by reality, hence why she slips and calls him Barry.

 

_“Nein, my name’s Flash!” the boy hissed._

_“Nope, my name’s Flash,” Barry folded his arms and grinned._

_“Nein! My’s name’s Flash!!!” the boy kicked him before scampering off._

“Nein” is just one of those inherently furious words.  It makes anybody sound 100000000% angrier.

 

_Mick decked Santa Mick, who swung back.  Penguin's penguins handed out popcorn and peanuts.  Rob and Singh took bets as vengeance against the CCPD betting pool—which had started up again, only this time, folks were betting on their wedding day.  Both Micks flipped off their Lens mid-strangle when the Lens suggested they make this entertaining by removing everything above their waists._

Lol

 

_Flash introduced Axel to Martha Thomas: a bat plushie who wore a blouse with splotches of black, silver, and gray against an off-white background, “Batmanchen made her!”_

Martha & Thomas are Batman & Bruce’s parents’ names if you’ve been living under a rock and don’t know that already.  Batman is _Gotham_ Bruce, but I imagine Bruce is _Adam West Batman_ Bruce Wayne to go along with the old-timey feel Earth-2 seems to have.  I also imagine that Bruce spent either all of or at least the early part of his twenties as Batman and is around 25-30 now.

 

_she died a year ago when the particle accelerator exploded; she was in Central congratulating our friends on their greatest achievement_

Merry Christmas, Central City, your surplus population has been exterminated!

 

_Bruce continued after a gulp, “I would never deny that his job is important, but I quit my jobs—guardian of Gotham and CEO of Wayne Enterprises—because even if I did both for a millennium, neither of them would hold a candle to the importance of my job as a parent.”_

Mic drop!

 

_“Ramons, you are going to be able to get everyone who wants to go home back home, right?” Elf Len asked the engineers._

_“Uhhhhhhhhh…” Elf Cisco trailed off while his counterpart was copying specs and tinkering. “There’s at least a 50% chance the answer is yes.”_

_“That means there’s almost a 50% chance the answer is no,” Len huffed._

_“Step aside, boys,” Hartley and Tolkien Hartley spoke in sync and gave them their two-second notice, “and let real geniuses perform the magic of science.”_

_“Technically, we’re older than you,” Cisco said._

_“True in a chronological sense, but we act older than you,” retorted the Hartleys.  The Ciscos flapped their tongues in response._

Hahahaha

I almost regret not including any mistletoe shenanigans… but I figured they’d place a “nothing beyond hand-holding, hugging, and pecking for the sake of all our sanities even if you don’t have a counterpart cuz that wouldn’t be fair to the folks who do” restriction.  That being said, it’s hard not to envision Yarn Hartley wanting STAR Hartley to share Solnishko, and we all know STAR Hartley’s views on threesomes e_e

 

_“HARRISON NIKOLA WELLS!!!” a voice boomed from TESS Earth Gotham.  Harry shrieked and failed to flee before he was paralyzed by what could only be described as a When All Hell Breaks Loose Bazooka.  Its wielder wore stiff hair, pale eyes, and an ugly sweater featuring a blinking periodic table arranged like a Chistmas tree.  He marched across Saints & Sinners, hauled Harry up as effortlessly as one would a child, and snarled, “How dare you drag my niece off to a planet where guns are lethal and dump your job on me!?” He Gibbs-slapped him, “Happy bloody Christmas, you barmy slag!”_

I’ve had this scene in mind ever since HR uttered “Randolf Morgan”.

According to what I’ve learned from _Doctor Who_ and the British slang dictionary I consulted, what Randolf says translates into American thusly, “Merry fucking Christmas, you stupid/crazy whore!”

 

_Harry spat out, “Yes he will!”_

_“NOBODY GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK!!!”_

Hahahaha

 

_“I’m not drunk enough to tolerate him yet, where’s the eggnog???”_

_Tina held up her mug, “To in-laws and outlaws!”_

_“To outlaws and in-laws!” Randalf clinked his mug against hers at the judges table and swigged his first round.  He massaged his temple, “Iiiiii Duncanuff tuh deeealithimow....”_

_WHO WON!?  WHO’S NEXT!?!  EPIC NOG BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!_

Lol

“In-laws & outlaws” is a phrase an old classmate introduced me to.

+1 Lost

Well, I can’t really talk about this fifth of the fic without spoiling the finale, which I just did earlier today, so go check it out if you have any time at all after this.  I will say though that if you’ve kept up with the rest of the series, “Until we meet at last, Blitz” should sound familiar to you.


End file.
